As someone who identified as a happy, content lone wolf for many years, it wasn’t until I turned 40 that I began to understand the value of community.
I had friends, family, people I could call, and group chats that were always active. I wasn’t necessarily lonely, but I began to feel the difference between having people in my life and having somewhere I belonged where I was understood and wasn’t required to overperform. I learned that community is not just being around other people; rather, it is a group of people connected by shared interests, values, and experiences.
In 2026, if anyone were to ask me for the best step they could take for their mental and physical health, it would be: find your people. Intentional connection nourishes our hearts and has the power to fuel us into action. As we settle back into a steadier routine this fall, it is a great time to look at our schedules and ask not only where our time is going, but what is actually filling our cup. Where is the time for us to feel more fulfilled?
Being in my forties, areas that required me to continuously give energy were something I found myself distancing from. I preferred to protect my peace; however, what I noticed came along with that was a slight pull back from being around other people. This lone wolf was not quite thriving as before.
For many of the women I work with, life is full. Family commitments are plentiful. Careers and businesses are demanding. Add taking care of health and everything else that keeps life moving, and suddenly another week has gone by. For women in their late thirties, forties and beyond, I believe there is another important layer to this. Our bodies and priorities are changing. The natural hormonal shifts can make us more conscious of where we spend our energy, and where we are restoring it.
Being in the health and fitness space, conversations I have often are around recovery, motivation versus discipline, hormones, and nutrition. From a biochemistry lens, the body releases something called Oxytocin. Oxytocin is a hormone and neuropeptide involved in bonding, trust, and social connection. It interacts with the systems that influence our stress response, helping us understand why meaningful connections can leave us feeling calmer, safer, and more restored. So how do we get more of it?
Sometimes we are already connected to community through group chats or other online platforms; however, the key is finding a community that allows you to feel a deeper connection to yourself and to others in this season of life. After being part of many communities personally and professionally, now at 41, I find the richest community experiences are consistent, in-person gatherings with women who understand and support each other.
For me, one of those places unexpectedly became sports.
As a lifelong health and fitness coach, after 40, my desire to hit the gym started fading. However, I also knew my physical health was directly linked to my mental health. Feeling myself pulling back was something I knew I needed to figure out. Sure enough, when we set an intention, opportunities arise. Not only did I come across a dragon boating team of ladies, which became one of the greatest additions to my life, but I also opened my mind and was lucky to find a nearby studio with amazing vibes. The dragon boating ladies gather on the marina two mornings a week. Some drive over an hour after school drop-off.
I immediately noticed a shift in my entire being. We celebrate each other's birthdays on the water, do race weekends, connect on our group chat, and support each other's practices and businesses. Because dragon boating is a seasonal sport, I was also looking for something more consistent day-to-day. The studio I joined was an immediate yes. The friendly coaches, other members on their own journey, being able to go at my own pace, and being partnered on the same station with a stranger brings me joy. It is the best 45 minutes of my day.
This experience reinforced something I have seen throughout my career: we tend to approach health as an entirely individual responsibility. We tell ourselves we need more discipline, need to work out, need to eat better, or need to get ourselves back on track. And while personal responsibility matters, sometimes we are asking ourselves to do too much of it alone. Connecting, receiving support, laughing, and sometimes crying can be exactly what fills our cup.
So, this fall, if you are looking to fill your cup and no longer feel like you have to do it all on your own, I can’t recommend finding a community that aligns with you enough. It doesn't have to look like mine. It may be a sports team, a fitness studio, a walking group, or a cultural community. Start by finding somewhere that feels good enough to return to.
Because perhaps one of the greatest investments we can make in our health isn't another thing we have to accomplish. It's finding a place where we can simply show up, be ourselves, and know that our presence matters.
