Your wedding can be one of the most exciting events you plan in your life. It’s what comes after the wedding that few are prepared for. Don’t get me wrong, there will be great times and there will be tough times. I have four tips for you to consider before marriage to ensure you can handle it all.
Have tough conversations
Before marriage, majority of us talk about how many kids we want, how our careers look, and what kind of house we want. But few couples talk about the not-so-positive stuff. What options would you consider if you are unable to have children? Would you support me if I decided to change my career? How long are we willing to sacrifice in order to save money for our dream home? These conversations are important to have to ensure you and your partner can stay on the same page through all stages of life. You don’t have to agree at this moment on your answers but the ability to respect and compromise with each others wishes when the time comes is a skill that you now have time to work on.
Talk Intimacy
Growing up in the South Asian culture, sex isn’t talked about. We certainly don’t get any tips on how to talk about it. Intimacy plays a big part in connecting with your partner. Learn how to become comfortable talking about it. By this I don’t mean sending sexual messages to your partner while he/she is at work, but become comfortable sharing your likes and dislikes in the bedroom with your partner without feeling ashamed. How do you become comfortable? Talk about it. Once you start seeing the benefits of sharing your intimate feelings, you’ll want to share more. Simultaneously, learn to become comfortable hearing it. Recognize how hard it may be for your partner to open up and allow a comfortable environment for them to do so.
Get comfortable with feelings
It is important in a marriage to not only learn how to talk about your feelings but learn how to receive your partner’s feelings. Once you learn to recognize your own you can work on sharing them with your partner. When the two of you learn to communicate your feelings, it makes it easier to work together on addressing them. A great starting point is to keep a list of feeling words handy so you have something to reference when communicating with your partner.
Don’t be afraid to ask for help
When you get to a point where you feel you’ve exhausted your options and you’re out of ideas do not be afraid to seek outside help. It is ok to seek a professional to help guide you. If you’re car broke down on the highway would you abandon it? Or would you seek a professional to tow it away and fix it? If your marriage needs help, don’t abandon it. Seek a professional to help you fix it.
Sundeep Gill is a Registered Therapeutic Counsellor in Delta, BC, and is the owner of Sunlight Counselling on Scott Road. Follow her on @sunlightcounselling
