TORONTO — What's the power of an apology?
For victims of sexual assault or sexual misconduct, experts say receiving acknowledgment of wrongdoing can help the healing process and allow them to find emotional closure — but only if the expression of regret is sincere and includes the perpetrator taking responsibility for their actions.
On Wednesday, former CBC radio host Jian Ghomeshi issued an apology in court for "sexually inappropriate" conduct towards co-worker Kathryn Borel, who had accused the "Q" star of grabbing her from behind and grinding his pelvis into her at work.
"I want to apologize to Ms. Borel for my behaviour towards her in the workplace," Ghomeshi, 48, said in his statement to the court about the alleged 2008 incident. "I now recognize that I crossed boundaries inappropriately... I did not appreciate the damage that I caused."
The statement was part of a court settlement in which Ghomeshi signed a peace bond, leading to a sexual assault charge against him being dropped by the Crown.
Judge Timothy Lipson said the fact Ghomeshi signed the peace bond "does not amount to an admission of guilt on his part to any criminal offence."
Ghomeshi's lawyer, Marie Henein, also said the resolution was not an admission. "With this apology, Mr. Ghomeshi has done everything that the Crown and the courts have asked him to do," Henein said.
Dr. Suvercha Pasricha, a psychiatrist who works in the women's inpatient unit at the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health in Toronto, said experiencing a trauma, such as physical or sexual assault, can disrupt a person's sense of self, destroy their ability to trust others, harm relationships and cause ongoing depression and anxiety.
"The impact of a trauma on human beings, whether it's a sexual assault or any other form of trauma, it can erode people," said Pasricha, who works with women who have suffered childhood and adult abuse or mistreatment.
"It would be very powerful to hear an apology from a perpetrator if they truly feel that the perpetrator is taking ownership of their actions," she said.
"The first and foremost thing for a person who goes through trauma is just to be validated and to be heard; that their experience actually happened to them, and this was not something that was created in their own head."
Outside court, Borel read a statement to the media, saying she agreed to accept Ghomeshi's peace bond and apology arrangement in order to forgo a trial, which would have "maintained his lie, the lie that he was not guilty, and it would have further subjected me to the very same pattern of abuse that I'm currently trying to stop."
"Jian Ghomeshi has apologized, but only to me," continued Borel, 36. She said there were other women who came forward to the media and made allegations.
"And yet Mr. Ghomeshi hasn't met any of their allegations head on.... All he has said about his other accusers is that they're all lying and that he's not guilty.
"And remember: that's what he said about me."
Ghomeshi was acquitted in March on sexual assault and choking charges, related to three other complainants, to which he had pleaded not guilty. The judge found the three complainants were not credible enough to sustain a conviction.
Ghomeshi had been expected to stand trial next month on a single charge of sexual assault related to the 2008 incident at CBC headquarters.
Admitting in his statement that his workplace conduct was "sexually inappropriate," Ghomeshi said of Borel, "I realize that there is no way for me to know the full impact on her personally and professionally."
He concluded by apologizing to his mother, sister and the friends who stood by him "throughout this difficult time."
"I regret my behaviour at work with all of my heart and I hope that I can find forgiveness from those for whom my actions took such a toll."
Dr. Patrick Keelan, a registered psychologist in Calgary whose private practice includes counselling people who have experienced various forms of trauma, agreed that hearing an expression of remorse can help victims find some emotional closure and move forward after having their lives upended.
"If it's a properly executed apology, it can have a really good impact on the victim in terms of helping them to heal from the negative emotional impact that focuses on ruminating and resentment and anger," he said.
"When the perpetrator gives a very heartfelt and sincere apology, it has the possibility of helping the victim to change their 'hot thoughts' about the perpetrator," allowing the wronged person to move towards forgiveness — while not condoning or excusing the act.
But Keelan said if a victim perceives an apology as insincere, or that it does not include their attacker taking ownership for their actions, it can backfire, fuelling even greater negative thoughts about the perpetrator and further harming the victim's emotional equilibrium.
Ideally, he said, a meaningful apology should express regret, acknowledge responsibility for one's actions, and provide a remedy.
"One thing that often gets overlooked is it's sometimes the victim expressing to the perpetrator, whatever the offence is, that, 'It's not OK what you did to me and I want you to know that,'" Keelan said, noting that courts often allow victim impact statements to be submitted as part of trial proceedings.
"That can be as important in healing as getting an apology because you're setting boundaries for the person, you're taking a stand, which indicates that you need to be treated properly."
