As a parent, few things are more stressful than scheduling your children into activities for the spring and summer. It’s often not easy to enroll in activities; then there is a cost to consider and, of course, the comparison game. How many times during school pick up or at a birthday party does the discussion among parents turn to what activities your child does? As parents, we’ve started to take great pride in having our children do multiple activities and having a calendar that is mainly filled from Monday to Sunday.
It’s understandable that we want to give our children every opportunity in the world. By allowing our children to try different activities, we give them a chance to explore things many of us have never experienced. However, the problem is that as parents, sometimes we project our own wants and needs onto our children. Do our kids want to play the piano, or did we always want to learn to play the piano? Do our kids want to dance and perform, or is that our dream?
When we look at how to avoid overscheduling our kids, we should take the time to self-reflect. Our kids are not extensions of our hopes and dreams; they are their own people, and by separating their identity from our own, we can give them a chance to be who they want to be as opposed to who we think they should be.
Some helpful reminders on how to step away from overscheduling your child:
- Be Aware And Be Honest: Pull up your calendar and honestly appraise how busy you are. Are you on the go every single day after school? Are you feeling tired and anxious and noticing this in your children as well? If you answered yes to both, then it might be time to re-evaluate your schedule.
- Open Communication: Have a family meeting to discuss with your kids what activities they enjoy and see if you can pick even one day a week where the kids are free to pursue their own interests or simply just relax. It’s important to listen to your kids and, where possible, take a step back from activities that they are not enjoying.
- Reflect: Ask yourself what the purpose is behind your busy schedule. Kids will do what they’re told, but you are the decision maker. Ask yourself if you feel pressured to participate in all of these activities because that’s what everyone else is doing.
- Choose Activities That Align With Your Values. Find programs that promote the life skills you value beyond the technical skill at hand. For example, Future-Ready Minds Leadership programs founded by Dr. Shimi Kang teach practices such as gratitude, mindfulness & EQ while developing 21st-century skills of public speaking, STEM thinking & entrepreneurship.
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- Do The Work: Becoming a parent and watching your children grow is a blessing, but it can be very triggering, especially when we have unresolved trauma from our past. If you feel like you always want to “keep up with the Joneses,” it might be helpful to go to therapy and talk to someone.
If you are noticing the impacts of overscheduling on your family, then you are already on the right track. Don’t be so hard on yourself; it’s not easy to step away from the hustle culture. Remember to do what’s best for you and your family.
